I met Tom and Pat sometime in 1998 while dating Leigh. My
impressions were the same through the end.
The stories I heard about how intense he was during his coaching
days were hard to imagine. "After a player defended an arm
tackle, he yells 'What happens if his danged arm RIPS OFF???'"
The closest I ever saw the "senior" Tom Stokes to a chewing out
was, well, I never saw him anywhere near mad. All people have their
hot buttons and moments, but Tom, the father-in-law version, was one
of the more gentle and relaxed people I've ever known. Even
when watching the Michigan's defense or the Bears miss tackles.
In fact one of my favorite vacations ever was visiting Elk Rapids
one Christmas. We were essentially snowed in, but it was Bowl
Week. Jackpot, baby! "Hey, watching thirty-three bowl
games in a week isn't goofing off: it's bonding with Dad!"
He'd reminisce a lot. "We'd know in the first couple of plays,
based on what the safeties did, what plays we'd run for the rest of
the game..."
The only non-miniature golf I've ever played was with my Dad and
brother and with Leigh and family. I have the ball from the
last time he and I played.
I am thankful every day that Dash got to know his GrandDad.
I knew neither of mine and Dash never got to meet my dad. He
knows Grandpa. He's old enough to remember him into his
grandpa-ing years. It inspires me as I look forward to meeting
mine (still a long way off) and gives me hope that 60 years from now
someone might remember me.
Tom's legacy inspires me in its breadth and longevity. The
aspect that benefits me daily is his coach's instinct to find the
good in people. People are a mix of plusses and minuses.
A great coach and a good man has the ability to look past the
negatives, straight to a person's value and to nurture that value.
I saw that right away in his daughter. One of my best
friends often makes less-than-ideal first impressions. His
awkward surface was invisible to Leigh, who saw only the optimism,
creativity and big heart.
If you ask either of us today, why Leigh "chose" me, you'll only
see a baffled face on either of us, but I guarantee you: Tom's
ability to look past the periphery to the valuable core is the bulk
of it.
Thanks, Dad. Every day.
It is an honor and a joy to know you.
